Soul Journey

This is me, a little girl in her Easter bonnet, a long time ago.

Look at my eyes.

Unsure.

Apprehensive.

A little fearful.

Questions around trust written clearly in them.

My earliest memory is of an out-of-body experience at six months old — looking down at my body, feeling alone. My mother had run off, leaving me.

I was placed in foster care with a friend of my father’s. They had four other girls, a family… but it was foster care nonetheless, even if only for less than a year.

My neonatal brain wiring it the only way it knows how: rejection, unworthiness, abandonment.

That’s how we’re built as humans.

At four, I went to another foster family. This time through community — a French Jewish family who took me in for two years, just as the father himself had once been taken in.

I don’t remember much.

Just the Dulux dog...and the snowball bush — Viburnum Opulus — in the driveway.

Bless my Tante (Aunty) for finding that family. She saved me from state care, which my father had been considering at the time.

My young adult life was shaped more by repetition than remembering — Freud’s Wiederholungszwang.

I defended against painful memories by acting them out in the present, rather than facing them in the past.

Until eventually, I hit an emotional impasse, breakdown.

I knew I needed help… even if I didn’t fully understand what was wrong.

And as the saying goes —when the student is ready, the teacher appears.

The psychotherapy process worked.

Slowly. Surely.

The tight circles of my life began to get bigger, to widen, loosen, then ellipse out.

The second photo is Easter, ten years ago, at 50 years old.

A late bloomer perhaps…but better late than never.

My 40s in many ways, my true adolescence — a time of becoming.

I found stability.

Security.

Safety.

Inside first… and then reflected outside.

That gave me the space to move beyond survival.

To study.

To explore.

To step into NLP and coaching.

The wounded becomes the healer.

The way-shower.

The leader.

And healing my health challenges through diet and mindset has crystallised something deeply for me:

My soul codes are self-responsibility.

Alchemising victimhood into freedom.

And bringing clarity to the healing path.